hypothetical bookish situation #2: if books were made from chocolate

So I'm holed in up in my room attempting to be studious, but instead somehow I end up staring at my wall for several hours. (Don't.Ask.Me.How. This.Is.Possible.Just.Don't.)

Tortured Immersed as I am by learning about the reproductive systems of plants, I can still hear my bookshelf calling to me. Rows of lovely, shiny books. Distraction tools. And I'm sort of craving chocolate. Like always.

Sadly, I can't have either.

I'm a deprived child.

But desperation sparks...something.

And it occurs* to me, as I'm staring longingly at Cat's Eye & Darklight & Charmed Life (hey, I need my 500th reread for comfort) & Beloved stacked up on the floor and imagining chocolate assortments that magically appear outside my doorway...

What if I could read as much as I wanted?
What if I could eat as much chocolate as I wanted?

AND THEN...what if books were MADE out of chocolate?!

*le gasp*

And then I think: The world would be pretty interesting.


  • We'd never, ever have to be afraid that buying a book wouldn't be worth our money. Even if the novel you just purchased (in hardcover, no less) had the most painful prose, worst plot, or awful characters you've ever come across, you could eat the book afterward and everything would be alright. Wonderful, even.

  • On the other hand, if you really, really love a book, you'd be forced to buy a new copy upon each reread. This benefits authors who you love very much (I think J.K. Rowling & Diana Wynne Jones would probably earn several million dollars from me throughout my lifetime) and it makes rereading books lots more fun. And expensive.

  • Think of the flavor adventures! Harry Potter and the...1)Milk Chocolate Truffle Stone 2) Peanut Butter Chamber of Secrets 3) Prisoner of Dark Chocolate Heaven 4) Goblet of Chocolate Fondue 5) Order of Mint Chocolate Wafers 6) Half-milk Half-white chocolate Prince 7) Death (ly) by Chocolate (Hallows) !

    I think you get the gist. Imagine the possibilities!

  • We'd have tons more shelf space, for sure. There would never be a need for book piles stacked in teetering piles around the house. I think our bookshelves might acutally be a little on the empty side ;)

  • Chocolate-eating makes people happy and somewhat--delusional. I don't think I would ever post a negative review again in my life. From then on the only thing you'd get out of me would be: ZOMG THAT BOOK WAS DELICIOUS! CARAMEL DARK CHOCOLATE MADE IN SWITZERLAND ZOMGZOMGZOMG SOO GOOD! I GIVE IT A 10/10!!!!! GO BUY THIS BOOK NOWWWWWWW! (and mail a copy to me, if you'd like to.)

  • Book-lovers would be the fattest demographic in existence. I would gain 100 pounds in a month or so. We would also probably have to go to the dentist quite a lot. *shudder*

  • Libraries wouldn't exist anymore: I mean, who in the world would return or lend out a chocolate book?!

  • Reading would suddenly be cool to people other than us. Can you imagine how easy it would be to convince young kids to read? For each page they read, they get a page of chocolate to eat as a reward. I can't think of anything that's more motivational than food bribery.

  • We would have a SERIOUS ant problem on our hands.

  • Maybe chocolate books--wildly popular and successful-- would soon expand to all things print! Newspapers wouldn't go extinct anymore (there's nothing like a chocolate newspaper over Sunday brunch, is there?), I could eat my textbooks instead of studying them, and "my sister ate my homework" might one day be a plausible excuse.
  • We would also be very bad environmentalists, since we'd need specially air-conditioned rooms to keep our chocolate libraries from melting.

  • OR MAYBE: this would pave way for new inventions such as COOL-BOOKS (chocolate books specially manufactured to maintain a temperature below the melting point of chocolate at 36 °C), FREEZE-BOOKSHELVES INC. (bookshelves that are naturally cooling) etc.

  • Or we could all move to Antarctica and set up a colony there, along with the penguins!

[/crazy ramblings]**

*okay, maybe I lied about the burst of inspiration. Chocolate books have sort of been a long-time fantasy of mine.
** I think my brain might've...snapped...from all the biology. It's possible. Very possible. Probable, in fact. Definitely. I've..snapped. *gnaws on Harry Potter Series * IF ONLY THESE WERE MADE OUT OF CHOCOLATE!!