hypothetical bookish situation #1: if dogs could read

So I'm browsing through cute pictures of dogs, very casually (I have an addiction, HELLPPPP-), when I come across this:

And then it occurs to me, in a flash of brainly ridiculousness brilliance.

What if dogs could read?

What if we taught them to read?

*le gasp*

And then I think: this is the perfect solution to well...everything.

  • it would open up a whole new demographic for the publishing industry. Henceforth, dogs eager for leisurely reading materials would flood the bookstores with demand...and more demand. No more would bookstores or the publishing industry be in danger due to lagging sales! There would now be an overabundance of customers. And don't say this isn't likely: have you seen the amount of pet treats/clothes/toys that dog-owners buy currently? The book industry would never be the same again!

  • it would shame regular (ahem, the majority of the population that doesn't read) people into reading. Can you imagine the SHAME, the MISERY, if little Spot had managed to get through dusty tomes like War & Peace and Crime and Punishment BEFORE you? Let's face it: it's embarrassing if your dog has read higher level books or more books than you have. Paralyzed by fear at this thought, regular people will also stampede their way into bookstores and libraries.

  • You could have all-night reading sessions with Spot! Imagine the fun! Instead of sitting down and watching TV with the dog at night, you could sit down with your dog and read together!

  • You would now be buying for two: you'll get even more money's worth out of your books if not only you, but your dog as well, read each book.

  • It would open the marketplace for new products...new businesses. SLOBBER-GUARD INC! (plastic coverings that will prevent dog slobber from getting on your book pages) DOG-GLASSES CO! (glasses for dogs who read a little too much for their own good) ODOR-GONE-SPRAY (ahem, to get rid of the excited mistakes your dog commits while browsing a place of books and realizing that the new S. Collins book is out!) & MUCH MORE!

  • You would never again have to worry about dogs chewing your books out. They'll have much more respect for the written word now, so the last thing they would do is eat your books. Conversely, if you really HATE a book, instead of the old throw-against-a-wall trick, your dog would happily gnaw on it for you.

  • Imagine the social aspect! Instead of your dogs mingling at dog parks, they would meet up at libraries or book stores, which would sell dog treats and food on the side. See, even more money for bookish places that need it! And instead of having to stand in a middle of a park while Spot met fought with fellow dogs, you could stand in the middle of a bookstore!

  • And..and! [here is where my hypothetical inspiration ran out]. You may think of your own improvements in society this would lead to, and talk about them in the comments, if you wish. :p
But anyways, can't you see the benefits? Wouldn't the world be a better place for books and the written word if dogs could read?


And now, I go to teach my dog the alphabet!

Join me, my friends!

(you know you want to).

And remember to stay tuned for the next installment of hypothetical situations: if books were made out of chocolate!