guest blog: how not to suck: special band edition

Candace, the lovely blogger from The Misadventures in Candyland, offered to do a guest post. Make sure to check her blog out!

***

Concerts are like a war zone. Bodies flying like canons, ear drums muffled from speaker shock, the earth shaking beneath your Chuck Taylor's or (if you're feeling crazy) flip flops or (even crazier) heels. If you've ever gone to one, two, or a hundred, whether it's super mellow circa James Taylor or, in my case, a little harder, via The Used, they still share the same basic fundamentals.

Over the weekend, the hubs, best dude and I, went to see my beloved rockers at a small club in Cincinnati with our games faces on. We've seen them before, so we knew the ramifications of being a tad older (only a tad, people) than said general Used crowd. A few things happened, I think should go in the books for all time, to prevent any more mishaps of pure suckage.

#1: Wear deodorant. A ton of tweens/teens/everythinginbetweens seem to think sweating in a sardine-packed crowd means nothing. Like their odor doesn't salt my tongue and singe my nose hairs off. Wrong.

#2: When mosh-pitting, leave your shirt on. Really. Do us all a favor, (dude with the hairy back, I'm talking to you; children amidst puberty, you too).

#3: When crowd surfing, landing in a security guard's lap, don't defend said surfing by saying “I didn't mean to crowd surf. I was just trying to leave.”

#4: If duty calls, do not—I repeat—do NOT defecate, urinate, or upchuck in your place. Haul ass to the latrine and get it done so I don't have to stand in it all freaking night.

#5: Do not attempt to shove your way past me, in attempt to be seen from the stage. I don't need your sweaty body sliding up against my skin, or your wet hair flinging driblets into my eyes, so you can be one foot closer. Next time you try, I'll karate chop your neck.

#6: When able to meet the band, don't steal my thunder. Yeah, girl in front who collapsed to her knees, sobbing, pleading for marriage and babies, that means YOU).

#7: If you're going to fight, please wait until I

return from the bathroom so I can take pictures and post them on my blog.

#8: Do not release any kind of flatulence when standing withing my radius. My nose is sensitive, you make me want to vomit, and I think you should check your pants because I'm pretty sure something else came out too. Plus, I don't want the hubs and my best dude to think it was me as I stand crinkling my nose.

#9: When jumping to “Take It Away,” (or James Taylor's equivalent song), tall guy, please remember there's a five-foot-five mother of one standing directly underneath your big ass feet. I want to jump too, but can't if you've knocked me down and trampled me.

#10: Last but not least, please PLEASE please, when asked to sing-a-long, test it out on the ride there. Warm up your voice, gargle, drink some H2O, whatever. But when screaming the lyrics on both sides of my face, the place where ears lie, you don't have to be perfect but MYGAH, aim it the other way or bring it down a notch.

Follow these tips, and you'll suck no more. At least maybe, a little less...

-Candyland. Out.

gbs: review of life, after

Abby Stevens, a blogger and aspiring author, offered to guest blog with a book review of LIFE, AFTER by Sarah Darer Littman. LIFE, AFTER is to be released July 1, 2010. Make sure to check out The Tabby Catt, Abby's blog!

***

There was a time, Before, when I too was a normal girl…

So unfolds the story of 16-year-old Dani Bensimon, an Argentine Jew trying to cope with the unsettling events surrounding the Argentine economic crisis in the years following 9/11.

When Dani was small, she enjoyed a content, upper-middle-class life. Her father doted upon her. Her mother always had her favorite cookies waiting when she got home from school. She had friends and snacked at her favorite café weekly.

But that was Before. Before an act of terrorism killed her beloved pregnant aunt. Before her father lost the clothing store that had been in his family for generations and sank into a deep, angry depression. Before her friends emigrated to escape the violent poverty of Buenos Aires.

Before America.

In America, Dani must deal with English idioms, a gaggle of mean girls, and her Argentine boyfriend who becomes more distant by the day. Then Dani discovers After in the form of a pair of unlikely friends who understand a thing or two about loss at the hands of terrorism.

Life moves on. Before becomes After. And Dani Bensimon learns that if you don't give up, things get better.

I noticed Littman's novel because of its whimsical cover, but I was delighted to find LIFE, AFTER far more than just a pretty cover - it is a touching, funny book that made me laugh and cry. My favorite moment involves Dani standing up to a bully who really has it coming, and when she finally lets loose, it is a moment of pure, rallying satisfaction.

Dani is a strong character who never fully realizes her own strength. She is frustrated and occasionally sarcastic. She is downtrodden but hopeful, sad but never defeated.

Littman's characters are dynamic, Dani's voice captivating, the story well-paced, and the ending satisfying. Littman expertly weaves themes of loyalty, acceptance, and grief throughout without feeling forced.

The genre might be Young Adult, but LIFE, AFTER is a universal read anyone can enjoy.

gbs: “words, words, words”

My wonderful friend Caitlin agreed to do a blog post for me. She has her own blog over at Tea & Biscuits, and is an aspiring YA author. Make sure to check her out!

***

“Words, words, words.”

So says Hamlet to Polonius. So sings Eliza Doolittle to Freddy. So shouts the author glaring at the Blinking Cursor of Death.

Words are important. Words make us smile, make us laugh, make us cry, drive us absolutely crazy. And everyone’s got their favorite. I tend to be particularly fond of tricksy (a very cool word which, unfortunately, only Gollum can really get away with), complicated words.

For example, two of my favorites are exacerbate and extrapolate, both introduced to me through The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I simply love the way they sound – they roll off the tongue in a particularly pleasing way, I think. Those are words that seem to go along perfectly with a sardonic tone and a ridiculous atmosphere – hence why using them in H2G2 is so brilliantly entertaining. Complicated words are just FUN. Like Gloucestershire and flibbertigibbet and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. They’re almost like mini-tongue twisters, and the walking-dictionary part of me feels a sense of accomplishment whenever I manage to fit them into a conversation. (Writing them is great. Saying them in real life is truly wonderful.)

Not all the words I like are complicated, though. I also love short, simple words that convey everything we need to know about their definition in only one or two sounds. Like fop. And snarl. And glomp (which is not a “real” word but it certainly belongs in the category of words that sound exactly like what their definition is, whilst still being short.) (Whilst is a good one too.)

More word geekery (another word that is most entertaining): I love words that sound like what they mean. For instance: billowy provides an excellent image of fabric blowing in the wind. Not rustling; billowing. The words have almost a different flavor – it’s like deciding which spice to add to a sauce. Rustling turns the phrase one way, while billowing turns it another. It changes the taste, the tone, everything – all because of one word that fits exactly the way you want it to. Which, on occasion, makes writing an infuriating process. I have occasionally been known to stare for hours (this is only a very slight exaggeration) at the Blinking Cursor of Death because I cannot for the life of me think of the right thing to say. Mostly, it comes to me eventually. Which is nice, and which silences the evil little chuckle of the Blinking Cursor.

There are also words I don’t like. In my opinion, the worst word in the entire English language is “woo.” Perhaps this is because I am a hopeless romantic, and I feel that a word which means “courtship” and connotes “love” should not sound so similar to something as disgusting as “goo.” The only person who has ever gotten away with saying that word without making me sneer with derision is Captain Jack Sparrow. And since very few people can attain that level of sheer awesome, I think the word should just go hide in a corner somewhere so we can forget about it.

But it’s more than just sounds, after all. I like words like ephemeral not just because they seem to glide across my mind, but because they seem to suit their meaning perfectly. If something is ephemeral, it conjures up images wisps of fog withering away in sunlight, or blowing away on the wind. At least, it does for me, which is why I like the word so much.

“Words, words, words.” We see them littered everywhere; it is like we are bombarded by words nowadays. Of course, by themselves, they sound cool and look neat. But string them together, and they become something even better. After all, we don’t read just to look at cool words and go “ooh, exacerbate!” We read the combination of cool words, and it is the combination that makes the writing great.

(gbs) fairy tales: a matter of opinion

Here's to the first gbs (guest blogging series) post!

The lovely Cate of Sparrow Review offered to guest blog for me. Make sure to check out her blog.

***

Fairy Tales: A Matter of Opinion

"We all like astonishing tales because they touch the nerve of the ancient instinct of astonishment. This is proved by the fact that when we are very young children we do not need fairy tales: we only need tales. Mere life is interesting enough. A child of seven is excited by being told that Tommy opened a door and saw a dragon. But a child of three is excited by being told that Tommy opened a door. Boys like romantic tales; but babies like realistic tales – because they find them romantic. In fact, a baby is about the only person, I should think, to whom a modern realistic novel could be read without boring him."

We've all seen the Disney movies. Most of us spent time as young kids reading and rereading fairy tales, and now we enjoy flipping through a good retelling. For me, I've always been a kind of fairy tale junkie- I don't think I really ever grew out of that phase. My Brother's Grimm collection of stories is still at my bedside, and I'm known to occasionally watch an old Disney film. I never quite figured out why they've been such an important element in my life; the best reason I've come up with is that I'm a sucker for happy endings. Aren't we all? Doesn't everyone love these childhood stories, where things are perfect for a little while, where reality is just out of reach?

I was surprised to learn that, no, not everyone is a fan. Perhaps not in the sense that they disapprove of the stories themselves, but with the messages the stories are sending to young children. A dear friend, feminist, and teacher, blogged about her opinion of fairy tales, in this case, Cinderella.

If I were to teach this story literally, here is what my students would (in theory) learn from it:
1) Whatever crappy things happen to you, you just have to take it because eventually it will get better.
2) That when facing any difficult task in life you will have help to overcome it (birds, fairy godmother).
3) That one must hide one's flaws (Cinderella hiding her poor attire).
4) That step-families are evil.
5) That a man will rescue you from your crappy life if you're attractive enough.

With the popularity of the Disney Princesses line, I think it's a good thing to at least look at what ideas we're introducing our children to. Admittedly, I read this tale and watched the Disney film many times as a child, and I still was able to see past the superficiality of the relationships within it. However, there are lots of little girls (and teenage girls) who believe some of these ideas about beauty and men, so not everyone hears the tale without being influenced by it.

I think she makes some valid points. Reality is not anything like the fantasy world of fairy tales. One aspect of these stories that makes me cringe a little is the idea of love at first sight, and how willing the girls/princesses are to spend their lives pining after their true love. But really, is their love so 'true'? Can you really fall in love so deeply after a single glance, or one conversation? I don't know much about love, but I do know that it takes time. And it takes work. Not everyone rides off into the sunset.

But maybe, just maybe, the fact that fairy tales themselves are so unlike the real world is what makes them so beautiful. They're escapes. They spark a little hope that somewhere, that there is a prince charming and a white horse. There is true happiness, and it's worth fighting a few dragons or evil stepmothers for.

short updates & more on guest blogging

First off, I'm honored to have been interviewed by blogger extraordinaire Steph Su yesterday! Aren't both her and her blog awesome? But anyways, go check it out.

And secondly, I've gotten a lot of responses about guest blogging. Which is a total and wonderful surprise, since I hadn't expected so many people to be interested. But I'll say this: the more, the merrier! I'll still be accepting guest posts for the next month as from now until to early May, I won't be posting as much myself. And I'm so, so excited to share posts by others. Upcoming posts will be indicated with "guest blogger series" (gbs) in the title.

And I'm pleased to announce that gbs will kick off tomorrow! Look out for it :)

To those of you who have emailed me about guest blogging: I'll be responding within the next few days. Thank you for offering and taking the time to contact me.

And I think from this point on I'll just write in italics if I'm making notes before the guest blogging, etc. so not as to cause confusion.

choco= italics

guest bloggers= normal font

Hope everyone is having fun :)

Now I have nothing more to say and I'm rambling so ****RANDOM PUPPY PIC TIME**